What To Do If You Suspect Your Spouse Is Cheating on You

03/10/2012

What To Do If You Suspect Your Spouse Is Cheating on You

By Kajay Williams

 

Your instincts are telling you that something is not right – your spouse has been distant and cold towards you and they’ve been spending more and more time at the office. You might suspect that they’re having an affair and you’ll probably be experiencing all sorts of emotions – fear, anxiety, confusion and betrayal. It can be very tempting to come right out and accuse your spouse. But the important thing to do is to keep calm – and before you jump to conclusions, get proof.

Everyone is Innocent until Proven Guilty

To start with, you need to remember that everyone is innocent until proven guilty – your spouse included. Despite your suspicions, if you have no concrete evidence of the affair, such as an item of clothing, a suspicious voicemail message or a receipt for a hotel stay, you can’t go straight to your spouse with accusations of cheating. If they’re innocent, they will be very hurt by your accusations.

If they are having an affair, chances are, if you get angry and make lots of wild accusations, in turn, they will become angry and it may push them further into the arms of their lover. Keep your suspicions in check until you have something concrete to confront your spouse with.

Don’t Jump to Conclusions

Constantly feeling suspicious is enough to make anyone exhausted. Jumping to conclusions, for example, thinking that your spouse is talking to a lover just because they once went out of the room to take a phone call will torture you. Instead, remember that your spouse might actually be completely innocent, and try to think about how they’d feel if they knew that you were thinking about them in this way.

Try to think about your spouse in the best light possible. Hope that they are behaving impeccably and when they say that they are working late, that they are actually working late. You should also let your spouse know that this is how you think of them – that you believe that they are a good person and that they would not cheat on you.

If they know that this is how you think of them, they may be less likely to cheat – or if they are cheating, they may confess of their own accord. It’s also worth mentioning that even if you think of your spouse in the best light, if you also have your suspicions that they are cheating on you, you should prepare for that. That way, you are prepared for every possible scenario – good or bad.

Get Evidence

Although your gut feeling does count for a lot, to truly know that your spouse is having an affair, you need to have proof. Before you actually accuse your spouse of having an affair, you need to have proof. Although finding this proof will be incredibly hurtful, it will also help you to move forward with the relationship. Once you have proof of the affair, you can start to take the steps to resolving your relationship with your spouse – and oftentimes, an affair can actually make your relationship stronger.

Be Prepared

When the time comes to actually confront your partner with the evidence that you’ve found of their affair, you need to be prepared for their reaction. It might be that they outright deny any wrong-doing, despite your proof, or they might write it off as harmless flirting.

If you’ve discovered an emotional affair, or a cyber affair, you need to be especially prepared for this as the actual boundaries of cheating are much less clear. Your spouse might believe that they haven’t done anything wrong and they may even refuse to stop talking to the other person – even though you believe that they have cheated on you.

Cheaters often try to distract you from what they did wrong by pinning the blame onto you – they might tell you that you’re being irrational and paranoid, or they might tell you that it was your fault that they were spending time with or talking to someone else because you weren’t giving them what they needed. You need to be prepared for this to happen so that when and if it does, you don’t lose your cool.

Don’t Be Combative

It can be very easy to blow up at your partner when you’ve found out about the affair, and it can incredibly tempting to scream and shout and call them every name that you can think of. But however tempting this may be, it is absolutely not conductive to getting your relationship back on track.

Instead, approach things in a different way. Sit down in a calm, controlled and relaxed environment and tell your spouse that there’s something that you’d like to talk about. Explain that you’ve found something that’s made you feel hurt, betrayed or confused, and that you’d like to talk about it to better understand what’s going on. Approaching it like this means that your partner is much more likely to talk to you like an adult, instead of it descending into a full-blown argument.

If your partner does start to open up, perhaps confessing to an affair, let them tell you the details instead of throwing questions at them. If you become argumentative, your partner will retreat back into their shell and they will probably be reluctant to give you any more information. If you just let them talk, they will give you the details that you need to move on.

Figure Out What Happens Next

You can use the conversation with your spouse to either come together as a couple and work on creating a stronger relationship, or you can use it as a means of parting ways. Many couples successfully move on from an affair with a stronger, healthier relationship – and this is all the more likely if the confrontation didn’t involve a screaming match. An affair can be just the wake-up call you need to strengthen your marriage. Or, it might be the wake-up call needed to end the relationship. Either way, an affair can actually help you to move on.

What To Do If Your Spouse Is Having An Affair?

Time To Act: There is hope.

An affair may be the best thing to happen to a marriage or relationship.

Contrary to popular belief, experts say that many couples survive infidelity and are able to rebuild a stronger, better and more fulfilling marriage after the betrayal.

Whether you suspect your partner or spouse is cheating on you or whether you have just discovered your spouse’s affair or whether you are wondering if you want to save your marriage or opt for separation after an affair or whether you want to redefine the boundaries of your relationship or marriage to make sure you and your partner are on the same page, I can help you.

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