The Art of Seduction by Conversation: The Add-on Principle
By Rachel Davis, Author of Conversation King
Persuasion is a universally recognizable component of our society. You see people influencing others everywhere you go: women trying to talk themselves out of speeding tickets, salesmen attempting to convince a potential buyer that a product’s for them, defense attorneys arguing that their client is innocent – persuasion is everywhere, used by all of us, all the time.
Somewhere it’s especially noticeable (and vital, if you want to be successful) is in the game of attraction and seduction. For a man to pick-up a girl – that is: find, approach, talk to her and arrange to take it further – he MUST understand and be able to use persuasive psychology. And it’s that fact many men are surprised by when they hear it – that being successful with women isn’t a God given talent or a roll of the dice; it’s a skill like anything else. Today you’re going to learn a little about that skill. We’re going to look at a special persuasive psychological technique that, when used, massively increases your chances with the ladies. It’s called ‘The Add-On Principle’.
Picture the scene: You’ve got talking to a girl and been chatting for a little while. You can tell she’s enjoying the conversation and think that she’s quite attracted to you, too. You decide you’d like to make something happen with this girl and see her again real soon but you aren’t sure of the best way to go about making that a reality. You don’t want to ruin the positive dynamic that you’ve worked so hard to create and you definitely don’t want to scare her off or get rejected. So, what can you do? Well, first of all, what do most guys do when they’re in this situation? I’ll tell you, they take one of three routes:
Route #1: CLICHÉD NUMBER REQUEST. The first route has been taken so many millions of times in the past that it’s nowadays almost an act of parody – it’s asking the girl for her number. Taking this route is, 9 times out of 10, a Plan B at best. When you ask a girl for her number you not only give her control of the situation (which means she can very easily say no or slip you a phoney number), you also highlight that moment of the conversation as what it really is: an attempt at picking her up. When she realises this, she’s turned off. No girl likes the idea of being picked-up because it seems sleazy and dangerous. For a girl to allow herself to be picked up, it must feel natural and unforced.
Route #2: GOING FOR IT. This route’s most often taken at night, in bars, clubs and parties – namely because the availability of alcohol makes this option seem a good idea. ‘Going for it’ means a guy will try to kiss the girl or cop a feel a little while after talking to her. Perhaps he’ll do it while they dance or as the venue is closing and they’re leaving. Again, it’s a bad idea because it makes the girl feel used and not in control.
Route #3: BOTTLING IT. This option, quite simply, involves choking at the last second – being unable to go through with a ‘closer’. The conversation’s gone great but the guy just doesn’t feel confident enough to propose meeting up again or something along those lines. As you can imagine, taking this route is a bad idea in regards to being successful with women.
So what do you do? The three routes above are bad, so what route can you take? Well, it goes without saying that you HAVE to run the risk of using a ‘closer’ if you want to see the girl again. Therefore, your goal is to make your offer – in whatever form it might take – seem like a natural, obvious, fun option for the girl to take.
To achieve this, you should justify what you’re suggesting with a REASON you should both do it. For example: “Let’s swap numbers so we can talk about that book we both like.” Or, “We should get a coffee or hot chocolate some time, because I know a great little place that’s just opened and think you’d really like it.” When you follow up an offer (such as swapping numbers or going for a coffee) with a reason for doing it (to talk about something or because you know a nice little new place) you make the offer seem ATTRACTIVE and a NATURAL thing for the girl to say yes to. This is the essence of ‘The Add-On Principle’.
When you employ it, try to always use the words “So” and “Because.” Our minds, when we hear these words, associate them with good reasons, they back things up for us in our heads. You can use this principle any time you want a suggestion you’ve made to a girl to be accepted and agreed to. For example: “Shall we go over and look at the jukebox, so we can put on some tunes we both like?” You’re taking away any hard work the girl needs to do in deciding whether or not she wants to go ahead with what you’re suggesting, simply because you’ve already given her a valid, natural-sounding reason to say “YES!”
Try it…you’ll be amazed at the results.
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