Overcoming Jealousy – A Practical Guide
What is Jealousy?
If you look up the word Jealousy in a dictionary you may well find that there are two different types of feeling or experience that are described:
Suspicion and Fear of Possible Rivals –For example, if you are in a relationship and you fear that your partner is or may be attracted by someone else and may be unfaithful to you or reject or leave you.
Envy – Being envious of someone else: for example, if you envy someone’s qualities, possessions, relationships or success.
Problems Caused by Jealousy
Both types of jealousy are likely to cause problems for you and your relationships.
For you: if you experience jealousy you are likely to feel accompanying negative and painful emotions such as:
A sense of inadequacy or powerlessness or frustration
For your relationships: if you experience jealousy then it is likely to impact on the way that you relate to the people closest to you, since you may exhibit
Lack of trust
Common Features of Jealousy
Both types of jealousy often involve, whether consciously or unconsciously:
1. A tendency to compare yourself to someone else
2. A worry or belief that in some respect you lack something that that someone else has or are inferior to them in some way
3. Attaching a very high degree of importance to this sense of inadequacy so that you may get it completely out of proportion
Distorted Thinking and Jealousy
For most people the role of distorted thinking in jealousy is of paramount importance and the key to taking control of your jealousy is to start to identify how your perceptions of yourself and of other people are fuelling your jealousy and making you feel bad.
Once you have started this process of identification you can then do something about it by trying out practical strategies for counteracting your distorted thinking processes to help you act more constructively, feel better and take control of your jealousy.
CBT and Jealousy
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to give it its grand name) is a set of simple techniques for helping you to identify your distorted thinking patterns and their influence on your emotions.
It is not psychoanalysis – it is the complete opposite: simple practical techniques for helping you put negative distorted thoughts into perspective, improve your self esteem and manage your jealous behaviour.
The eBook Overcoming Jealousy – A Practical Guide to Controlling Your Jealous Feelings and Actions takes you step by step through CBT and other techniques for dealing with jealousy in a practical, sensible way and encourages you with ideas for taking control of your jealous actions instead of letting them control you.
What is Special about This Guide
It is set apart from other books on jealousy in that it provides a step by step program for managing and overcoming your jealousy.
You are taken logically through seven stages in the process to dealing with your jealousy effectively and given assignments at each stage of the process to help you move on from that stage to the next. Once you have completed the different assignments you will end up with your own personalized Project Plan for tackling jealousy which you can apply to the situations where you get jealous and to tackling related issues such as self esteem and communication difficulties.
This is a no-nonsense practical guide – it is not a woolly discussion or over elaborate discussion of tenuous theories.
The book is unique in the way it combines a number of features:
+ A practical toolkit for you to use to overcome jealousy, by way of assignments building up to an overall Project Plan
+ The incorporation of CBT strategies for tackling jealousy, set out in an easy to follow way
+ A non-judgmental attitude in which the book is written with a focus on helping you to understand jealousy and the approaches that you can use to combat it
+ A humanistic practical perspective which helps you to put addressing jealousy into the context of building and creating lasting relationships built on trust and positive communication.
Cognitive Techniques and Jealousy
The book incorporates the latest cognitive or CBT techniques for addressing negative or distorted thinking patterns, explaining in clear and simple terms how these can be used to work through jealousy issues and come up with practical and individualised strategies relevant to your situation. ‘CBT’ or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a set of techniques based on the common sense recognition that our thoughts and how we interpret events and situations influence our feelings and how we act.
This is highly relevant to jealousy where you may see something happening in a situation, or see someone acting in a certain way and then draw conclusions about it or start to believe things which lead you to feel jealous, angry, hurt or humiliated.
This Guide shows step-by-step how you can address your thoughts, feelings and actions in these situations to help you gain control and think and act in a constructive way manner.
Jealousy and Self Esteem
Sometimes a low sense of self worth can be an underlying factor for jealousy or your self esteem can be damaged as jealous feelings lead you to doubt yourself and feel ashamed of the ways you are acting.
The Guide therefore includes a useful section on issues relating to insecurity and self esteem with two simple assignments to help you build your self worth and create positive goals.
Understanding and Dealing with Jealousy
The Guide provides a practical approach to overcoming jealousy, taking you through a step-by-step process designed to help you to:
+ Understand the two types of jealousy and what is involved in each type
+ Find out about possible causes of jealousy and clarify the factors relevant to your own jealousy before you then commit yourself to taking positive steps to deal with your jealousy
+ Discover how to break down the different aspects of jealousy and come up with:
– positive strategies for when you are prone to act in an extreme or jealous way
– rational self talk to put into perspective your jealous thoughts and defuse your jealous feelings
– sensible suggestions for reducing the likelihood of situations developing where you might become jealous
Jealousy and Relationships
Throughout the Guide there is an implicit recognition that jealousy may be linked to other factors in relationships, such as assertiveness and trust. The final section of the Book therefore includes some simple advice and tips for building trust and communication within the relationships that are most important to you.
Overcoming Jealousy – Your Project Plan
At the end of the E-Book there is a straightforward format for you to use in setting out the Project Plan for overcoming jealousy which you will have been compiling step by step as you go through the book.
A sample Project Plan is also included so that you can see an example of how someone might create their Plan and build on that in the creation of your own plan.
About the Author
Overcoming Jealousy is a practical book written by Self-Help Author David Bonham-Carter who specialises in the use of CBT and other practical techniques to help people deal with negative thinking patterns and address difficulties such as:
Relationship and communication difficulties
Self esteem and confidence issues
Stress, anxiety and assertiveness
Life change and motivation
David worked for many years in the UK as a social worker before becoming a professional life coach in private practice for several years. He now focuses on sharing useful coaching and CBT techniques through self-help guides.
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