How to Tell If Your Spouse Is Lying
By Kajay Williams
Open and honest relationships tend to be more successful than relationships where either spouse frequently lies. When one spouse lies to the other, that lie violates the boundaries of an open and honest relationship. Lies can be small and harmless, but they can also be big lies that could seriously damage a relationship.
There are a number of body language cues, among other signs, that could indicate that your spouse is lying. If your spouse shows one or two of these signs, it could be meaningless. However, if you repeatedly spot these signs over and over again, it could indicate that your spouse is frequently lying to you.
Evasiveness can indicate that your partner is not exactly lying, but they are omitting to tell you the whole truth. To start with, your spouse might not tell you outright lies, but instead, they may be evasive when you ask them questions about their whereabouts and who they’ve been spending time with and they may give you generic answers such as “Just a friend” or “At the pub”. If your spouse seems reluctant to have a conversation with you, or it is very difficult to engage them in any sort of communication, it could indicate that they are lying to you.
Generally, when someone is speaking, if their eyes slide to the left while speaking, it could indicate that they are lying. This unconscious movement occurs when someone is actively making up what they are saying and constantly thinking about what they’re going to say next. On the flip side, if someone glances to the right while speaking, it tends to indicate that they are using their memory – and therefore telling the truth. If your spouse repeatedly glances to the left while speaking to you, it could mean that they are often lying to you.
When someone is lying, their face can give away a micro expression – this is a mini version of a full facial expression, such as a smile. Generally, when someone gives away a micro expression, it means that the words that are coming out of their mouth are at a parallel to what they are thinking. As an example, when someone is being questioned about where they were and who they were with and they reply “Nowhere, just on my way home”, but the corners of their mouth turn up slightly, it could indicate that they were spending time with someone that they don’t want you to know about. The smile shows that they were remembering where they were and who they were with, but this is at a parallel to the words coming out of their mouth.
Your spouse’s body language could also give you a big clue as to whether or not they are lying to you. If they are speaking to you and their words sound entirely convincing, but their body language says something different – for example, repeatedly crossing and uncrossing their arms or legs, tapping, covering their mouth with their hands or resting their chin on their hand – it could mean that they are lying. Generally, if a person is totally relaxed and being upfront and honest, their body language will be open and relaxed too – they will sit back, arms open and will appear visibly relaxed. Liars usually do the opposite.
Excessive Blinking or Excessive Staring
If your spouse is having trouble looking you in the eye when they’re talking about where they’ve been or who they’ve been with, or if they repeatedly glance away or blink whilst they’re talking to you, it could mean that they aren’t being totally honest with you. Excessive blinking tends to suggest that your partner is trying to “blink away” the lie – they could be trying to get their stories straight in the head. Equally, if your spouse seems to stare at you, or looks at you deep in the eyes while lying to you, for a long and prolonged period of time, it could indicate that they are trying to regain control – or it could show that they are trying to do the opposite of excessive blinking.
If someone is lying to you, there are often inconsistencies in their speech patterns. For example, they may speak hesitantly when they are lying, or they may speak in stilted, half-formed sentences. This tends to show that someone is making things up as they go along and the pauses in their speech could show that they are actively trying to think of what to say next.
Also, people who are lying tend to speak in a higher pitch than those that are telling the truth. They may also have more grammatical errors – because what they are saying is not flowing naturally, and they may also have more slips of the tongue. For example, they may pronounce words incorrectly or they may get flustered when they can’t think of the right word to use.
Pauses Before Speaking
This is a rather obvious indicator of a liar. If your spouse often pauses before answering your questions, or if they tend to think about their answers before speaking, it could indicate that they are lying. The “pause” is your partner actively trying to come up with a lie.
Changes in Behavior
Generally, the most telling sign that your spouse is lying to you, or cheating on you, is that their behavior changes. They may be more stand-offish and irritable than before, or they may be much more loving and affectionate. When speaking to you, they might use more hand gestures than usual, in an effort to emphazise their words, or they might try their hardest to not use any hand gestures whatsoever, and to remain as neutral as possible in an effort to not draw attention to the fact that they are lying. They could also start to become more apologetic, in an effort to apologize for the lies that they are telling, but they also might become more polite.
Remember that your spouse may show any of the behaviors above – but it does not necessarily mean that they are constantly lying. If they regularly show all of the behaviors above, it could indicate that they are regularly lying to you.
What To Do If Your Partner Is Having An Affair?
Time To Act: There is hope.
An affair may be the best thing to happen to a marriage or relationship.
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Whether you suspect your partner or spouse is cheating on you or whether you have just discovered your spouse’s affair or whether you are wondering if you want to save your marriage or opt for separation after an affair or whether you want to redefine the boundaries of your relationship or marriage to make sure you and your partner are on the same page, I can help you.
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