How to Know Your Spouse’s Affair Is Truly Over
By Kajay Williams
It can be incredibly difficult to weather the storm of an affair, and if your relationship manages to survive the deluge, it can take a long, long time before things get back to normal. One of the most difficult aspects of rebuilding a relationship following an affair is that the betrayed spouse does not truly know that their spouse’s affair is over.
Oftentimes, there is a period of time between the discovery of the affair and the actual ending of the affair, and during this time, the straying spouse will often say that the affair is over – even though it is not. The signs mentioned below may indicate that your spouse’s affair is truly over, meaning that you can truly start to move on in your life and in your relationship.
Grief/depression about the ending of the affair
Although this may sound like a strange sign that your spouse’s affair is over, if they show some grief or seem upset about the end of the affair, it could well indicate that it is well and truly over. Although it can be incredibly difficult to see your spouse upset at the fact that their relationship with an individual that isn’t you is over, or grieving for the “loss” of that person – because they will not be able to have a relationship with them anymore, even if that relationship is platonic, ultimately, if your spouse is upset about the end, it more than likely means that the affair is over.
Changes in attitude towards you, your relationship and your family
When your spouse’s affair is truly over, they will start to gravitate back towards you, your relationship and your family. They might not say that they are trying to reconnect with you in so many words, but their actions should demonstrate that they are eager to try to rebuild the relationships that may have broken down.
Your spouse will more than likely try to rebuild those severed connections and may make an extra effort to be affectionate and loving towards you and your children, if you have them – and although this extra affection may be difficult to take to start with, with time, it will start to feel more natural.
Your spouse may try to work out what caused the affair, so that you can work on your marriage to prevent anything like that from happening again, and they may talk about problems in your marriage before the affair. Although this might feel like they are trying to lay the blame on someone other than themselves, if you manage to work out what the problems were in the marriage before the affair, you can work on fixing those problems so that your marriage is stronger than ever before.
Concern towards you and your family
A straying spouse that has truly ended the affair will be truly sorry for their actions, and they will also be truly concerned about how their actions may have affected you and your family – as well as your children, if you have them. If your spouse is truly sorry for what they have done, it means that they will be willing to take full responsibility for the affair – meaning that they will acknowledge your hurt and your betrayal without trying to put any of the blame onto you and what you did or didn’t do. If your spouse begins to show concern for you and your family’s welfare, and starts to try to rebuild your family as a whole, chances are, the affair is well and truly over.
Finishing the affair
Perhaps the most obvious sign that the affair is over is that your spouse actually finishes the affair. They might make a phone call, send an email or arrange to meet their affair partner in person in order to end the affair. If they never make that call – if they just stop answering text messages or start to let the contact between them and the affair partner dwindle, the affair is never truly over. Once they have ended the affair, they need to cut off all contact with the affair partner. If they try to keep in touch with them, or if they send a text to their lover every now and then, it will only hurt you and will cause huge problems further down the line.
Willingness to be completely open and honest
If your spouse is completely open and honest with you, in terms of letting you know where they are, letting you know who they are talking to or who they are spending time with, who they are texting and emailing etc., it may well mean that the affair is over as they no longer have anything to hide. As the betrayed spouse, you shouldn’t blindly trust everything that your spouse tells you – after all, they just spent a long time lying and being deceitful.
But you should trust what your own eyes and instincts tell you, and if your spouse is trying their hardest to demonstrate that they are being transparent, letting you view their telephone and emails if you so wish, it means that the affair is over, that they are sorry and that they are trying their hardest to move on from the situation.
Willingness to tell the truth about the affair
Affairs are normally “found out” rather than discovered when the straying spouse sits down and tells their spouse that they have been having an affair. Because affairs are usually found out by the betrayed spouse, it can mean that they only know about what happened after the discovery of the affair.
If the straying spouse is willing to tell the truth about the affair – what caused it, how it started, what happened and how it ended, it generally means that they are willing to do whatever it takes to get your relationship back on track. It will be uncomfortable to hear details about the affair, but once you have all the information you need, you’ll be much more able to move on.
What To Do If Your Partner Is Having An Affair?
Time To Act: There is hope.
An affair may be the best thing to happen to a marriage or relationship.
Contrary to popular belief, experts say that many couples survive infidelity and are able to rebuild a stronger, better and more fulfilling marriage after the betrayal.
Whether you suspect your partner or spouse is cheating on you or whether you have just discovered your spouse’s affair or whether you are wondering if you want to save your marriage or opt for separation after an affair or whether you want to redefine the boundaries of your relationship or marriage to make sure you and your partner are on the same page, I can help you.
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