How to End Your Spouse’s Affair

06/05/2012

How to End Your Spouse’s Affair

By Kajay Williams
The betrayed spouse can feel completely and utterly powerless after the discovery of an affair. They hope that their spouse ends the relationship with their affair partner – but they feel like there is little else that they can do. The betrayed spouse may feel like they are unable to move forward until they are completely sure that the affair is over – and what better way to make sure that the affair is over than ending it yourself, right?

Wrong – the only way to end your spouse’s affair is to nudge them into ending it. No matter how much you might want to end it yourself, inevitably, your spouse will just feel angry that you went behind their back to end their relationship.

Don’t Let Your Emotions Get the Better of You

When the betrayed spouse first discovers an affair, their first reaction – or one of their first reactions – is likely to be anger. Anger at how they have been betrayed and anger that their spouse was so willing to potentially destroy their relationship in favour of a relationship with someone else.

This is entirely normal – but this anger can lead some betrayed spouses to confront the affair partner. This confrontation could involve the betrayed spouse demanding that the affair partner leave their spouse alone, or it could involve the betrayed spouse actually stating that the affair is over.

The thing to remember is that although you wish you could end the affair and that you wish you had the power to do so, ultimately, it is your spouse’s decision. Although it might not seem fair that they can make such a decision, ultimately, you have to let them end the affair. But there are a number of things that you can do to nudge them into ending the affair and to return back to your relationship and your marriage.

Remember the Stats

The statistics are in your favour when it comes to your spouse ending the affair and returning to your relationship. Even if it seems unlikely that your spouse will end the affair to start with, after a while, it becomes more and more likely that your spouse will end the affair. 20% of affairs will be over within just two months – hardly enough time to call it a relationship.

50% of affairs will last for longer than a month, but they will end within a year. Very few affairs last for more than a year, and only 3% of affairs end in marriage. If you’re willing to stick it out and play the waiting game, chances are, your spouse could come back to you and your relationship.

Make a Choice

Can you stay with your spouse while they are still involved in the affair? If not, tell them. If you can, be prepared that it could be very, very tough. If you’re prepared to stay with your spouse while they continue to have an affair, work out a timeline. How long are you willing to give them to work out what they want? Are you willing to give them any time at all? Or would you prefer to leave until they make a decision?

Whatever you choice, make sure that your spouse is very clear on the details of it – and make sure that they know you mean business. When you discuss your decision with your spouse, do it calmly and in a controlled environment. Don’t rant and rave – the more grown-up you are about it, the more likely it is that your spouse will respect you for your decision.

Think About Why the Affair Happened in the First Place

While it might almost ludicrous that you should have to become a better person because of your spouse’s actions, it’s worth remembering that usually, an affair is a symptom of a much bigger problem in a relationship. An affair will more than likely never, ever occur in a very happy and fulfilling marriage. In order to move on from the affair, you need to look inwards to yourself. Although it might be unpleasant, you should think about what could possibly have prompted the affair. What could you have both done to improve the relationship?

What could you personally have done to make your spouse feel more fulfilled? Were you neglectful? Were you cruel? Were you no longer emotionally involved with your spouse? Had you fallen out of love? Answering these questions will go some way in helping you to understand what caused the affair in the first place, and once you know that, you can work on resolving those issues.

Be a Better You

Although all you might want to do is treat your spouse with anger and derision, if you are trying to get them to end the affair, behaving in such a way will do nothing but push them further into the arms of the affair partner. Instead, become the you that you’ve always wanted to be. If you were neglecting your spouse or if you were struggling to have conversations with them, you should switch it up.

Make an effort to converse with your spouse. Make an effort to turn around the faults that you might have discovered about yourself – perhaps you were often angry and aggressive with your spouse, and you want to make an effort to become nicer and more affectionate with your spouse.

Another important aspect in nudging your spouse into ending the affair is reminding them why they fell in love with you in the first place. Perhaps they loved to see you with your hair down, but for the last few years, you’ve always put your hair up into a ponytail. Perhaps they loved to see you laugh, but for the last few years, you don’t feel like you’ve had a lot to laugh about. Whatever it is, try to get back to that place in your head.

Remind your spouse why they fell in love with you in the first place and why you got married in the first place. As the sparkle starts to fade from the affair, and they start to truly notice you again, they’ll remember why it is that they fell in love with you in the first place – and they will respect you for not screaming, shouting, ranting and raving at the affair partner.

What To Do If Your Partner Is Having An Affair?

Time To Act: There is hope.

An affair may be the best thing to happen to a marriage or relationship.

Contrary to popular belief, experts say that many couples survive infidelity and are able to rebuild a stronger, better and more fulfilling marriage after the betrayal.

Whether you suspect your partner or spouse is cheating on you or whether you have just discovered your spouse’s affair or whether you are wondering if you want to save your marriage or opt for separation after an affair or whether you want to redefine the boundaries of your relationship or marriage to make sure you and your partner are on the same page, I can help you.

CLICK on the link below for more information.

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