How Do You Love a Cheating Spouse Again?

09/22/2012

How Do You Love a Cheating Spouse Again?

By Kajay Williams

 

An affair can completely sever the relationship between two spouses. What was once a normal, safe haven away from the world is suddenly a frightening place fraught with uncertainty and insecurity, making any hope of reconciliation feel virtually impossible. When the betrayed spouse starts to work through those negative emotions and starts to come to terms with the affair and what has happened to the relationship, eventually, they may be able to look towards rebuilding the marriage.

While it might seem impossible when the affair is first discovered, spouses can fall back in love with one another – despite the betrayal of the affair. It takes a lot of work and a lot of will and commitment from both sides, but with time, the marriage can become better – and even stronger than it was before the affair. Remember – the affair was caused because of underlying problems in the marriage. Use this opportunity to fix those underlying problems and to work on any weak aspects of your marriage and you’ll ultimately be rewarded with a happier and stronger marriage.

Code of Transparency

To learn how to love a cheating spouse again, the betrayed spouse needs to be completely sure of their spouse’s intentions towards them. They need to be sure that their spouse will not just go out and cheat at the first sign of marital problems in the future and they will need to be reassured that when the going gets tough, their spouse will stick with them and the marriage. In order for both parties to move forward, a code of transparency is essential. This doesn’t necessarily mean checking missed calls, dialed numbers, texts and emails, as this could lead to paranoia on both parts if things have been deleted – but it could mean that either should be free to look at this information if they so wish.

The code of transparency will be different for every couple trying to rebuild their marriage following an affair – some betrayed spouses will need to know where their spouse is and who they are spending time with every time they leave the house, while others will simply expect to keep their spouse to keep in contact with them while they’re out of the house. It goes both ways, too – a cheating spouse often becomes paranoid after the affair, especially if their spouse has forgiven them, because they are almost expecting their spouse to get “revenge”. This paranoia means that the betrayed spouse should be open and honest about their actions, even if they believe that they shouldn’t have to.

A betrayed spouse that completely trusts their partner will find it much, much easier to fall back in love with them. An open and honest relationship is much more desirable than a relationship fraught with suspicion.

Learn how to Resolve Conflicts and Disagreements

In 99% of cases, an affair is a symptom of a wider problem within the marriage. The cheating spouse may feel unhappy or unfulfilled in their relationship, perhaps because they have lots of arguments with their spouse or perhaps because they feel like they cannot talk to their spouse about their own problems. In some cases, this can prompt an individual to embark on an affair so that some of those emotional and sexual needs that they feel like they are missing out on are met.

Although this isn’t an excuse for the affair, it is a reason for the affair – and so in order to move on from it, and to learn to love one another again, it is important that both parties learn how to properly resolve conflicts and disagreements. Instead of keeping everything in and bottling up emotions, it is important for the straying spouse to learn to confide in their spouse.

It’s important for them to learn to talk over any problems while they are still small and manageable, before waiting for them to escalate into something larger. Although it will feel alien at first, eventually both spouses will feel comfortable talking with their spouse about subjects that may be uncomfortable to them and this will lead to a relationship that is far more open, comfortable and enjoyable than before. Being able to talk to your spouse about your problems will also bring you closer together – making it that much easier to fall back in love.

Properly Talk to One Another

Oftentimes, couples believe that their biggest problem is that they cannot effectively communicate with one another. This doesn’t necessarily mean being unable to talk to one another about the “big” stuff – it could mean being unable to have a regular, ordinary conversation about the mundane. Perhaps one or both of the spouses replies with a simple “yes” or “no” when their spouse tries to have a conversation – and this makes talking “normally” virtually impossible.

In order to fall back in love with one another, both spouses need to learn to talk to one another again. Once the channels of communication have been opened and once that first initial conversation has taken place, both partners can very quickly start to move forwards in the marriage.

Finally, both partners need to remember why they got together in the first place and they both need to think about the good times, right at the beginning of the relationship. Reminding yourselves of the good times will make you reconnect on an emotional level, which is key to falling in love again.

Remember things about each other – such as how funny, sensitive or kind each spouse can be. Both spouses should be open about their reasons for falling in love with one another – and this will make them more able to remember what life used to be like. It can also prompt either spouse to work on themselves, rather than just the relationship – and the stronger each individual is as a person, the stronger they can be as a unit.

What To Do If Your Partner Is Having An Affair?

Time To Act: There is hope.

An affair may be the best thing to happen to a marriage or relationship.

Contrary to popular belief, experts say that many couples survive infidelity and are able to rebuild a stronger, better and more fulfilling marriage after the betrayal.

Whether you suspect your partner or spouse is cheating on you or whether you have just discovered your spouse’s affair or whether you are wondering if you want to save your marriage or opt for separation after an affair or whether you want to redefine the boundaries of your relationship or marriage to make sure you and your partner are on the same page, I can help you.

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