9 Tips to Keep a Conversation Going
By Bobby Rio, Creator of Conversation Escalation: Make Small Talk Sexy
As we all know by now, talking to a beautiful woman who you’ve never met before is one of the harder things you’ll have to do. In fact, so much of your energy is put into trying to psyche yourself up to talk to her, that a lot of the time you get there with nothing to say, leaving nothing but awkward silence between you after your initial, “Hi.” Never fear! By following the following tips you’ll be able to avoid those awful moments of silence.
Tip 1: Improvise with the conversation
One way to quickly end a conversation is by answering any questions she may ask with a simple “yes” or “no”. Instead, you should answer with a longer answer that could lead to more dialogue. For example, if she asks what you like, instead of saying something simple like “I like baseball” make it a longer answer like “I like baseball because it reminds me of when my dad used to take me to Yankees games as a kid”. Suddenly, you’ve not only offered a little bit more about yourself (never a bad thing, especially when it shows to the woman you have feelings) but also have opened the discussion up to any amount of avenues.
Tip 2: Show your passion
Nothing gets a girl excited like when a guy is excited about something. So many guys think that pouting and showing their emo face will draw women in by their inherent mystery. But once the girls solve that mystery – and usually there’s honestly no much to solve – they move on. Instead, if a topic comes up you’re genuinely interested in, don’t be afraid to dork out a little and speak passionately about it.
Tip 3: Don’t ask too many questions, instead use statements
It’s common knowledge that women like to speak about themselves a lot, so guys reciprocate this behavior by asking a lot of questions. However, a lot of the rapid-fire questioning can be seen as intimidating and, in a lot of cases, very boring. Instead, once the woman answers a question follow it up with a statement. For example, if a you ask a girl about her pets and she answers that she has two, instead of following up by wondering what their names are, make a statement like “You know what they say, a cat lover is known to be more independent than dog lovers.” This will open not only keep the conversation on her, but also open the conversation to other things.
Tip 4: Forget the facts, use emotions
A common known fact is that women are much more in touch with their emotions than men are, and so it makes sense that this is one of the things that women love to get men to talk about. So when talking about a certain subject like, say, snowboarding, instead of going over the statistics of snowboarding (the various places she’s skied, how good the snow is, how good she is at snowboarding) go ahead and ask her how she feels when she’s snowboarding. This will help open the dialogue and show your sensitive side.
Tip 5: Be a careful storyteller
There is a positive and negative to telling a story to someone you’ve just met. On the plus side, since you just met them they don’t know any of your stories and you’re free to tell anything you like (and even embellish them a little, if you’d like). Unfortunately, since they don’t know you, they’re also spending time listening to the story while trying to figure out the qualities of the storyteller. For example, if you mention that you had to “wake up early”, an old friend of yours will brush aside that fact. But someone knew will start to ask themselves, “Why was he waking up early? Does he have an important job in the morning?” As such, make sure to be careful about what details you put into a story. The woman will be trying to read between every line you put out there.
Tip 6: Use the cold reads
Cold reads are when you’re able to know something about someone just by looking at them; think of it like when a poker player “reads” another player at the table. Making an assumption about a girl (ex: “you look like an intelligent girl”) and telling her about it is something you should try. Definitely don’t make it too negative of a read, but by showing the woman you can read and talk about her emotional state, you once again show the softer side of you. Also, it doesn’t hurt that the talk is once again about her.
Tip 7: Have fun with her
One of the biggest things you can do is tease her a little during the conversation. Use innocent recess-like humor such as high-fiving her and telling her stupid corny jokes. This will show that you don’t have to be serious every waking hour of the day. Instead, she’ll remember you as a fun guy that she’d like to talk to again.
Tip 8: Turn “safe” to “unsafe”
For example, in a conversation about how you’re a dog owner and she’s a cat owner, feel free to say something like “I’ve heard that cat owners and dog owners can’t have a long-lasting relationship with each other, but that doesn’t mean they can’t have awesome sex.” You’ve taken a safe topic (pet-owning) and made it unsafe (about sex). You can really do this with anything. She’ll like this in the same way that a lot of girls are always attracted to the “bad guy”.
Tip 9: Don’t forget your non-verbals
More important than anything you can say are the non-verbal pieces of communication you use in the conversation. Showing that you’re comfortable and confident are a hundred times more important than the actual content of your conversation. At the end of the day, she’s less likely to remember the specifics of what you two were talking about and, instead, more likely to remember that she was talking to a confident man. And one that she wants to talk to again.
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