8 Types of Affairs: Which Type Of Affair Is Your Spouse Having?


8 Types of Affairs: Which Type Of Affair Is Your Spouse Having?

By Kajay Williams


If your relationship has broken down due to an affair, the first thing you might ask your spouse is “Why?” You’ll want to know why the affair happened – how it happened, when it happened and the reasons behind it. While knowing why the affair happened may not make you feel any better about it, it can help you to rationalize the affair and help you to understand why exactly your relationship broke down to that point. Each affair is different and each affair happens for a different reason, but there are some common types of affairs. Here are 8 of the most common types of affairs.

1. Lust Affair

An affair based on lust is the most common type of affair – but generally, affairs based on lust also fizzle out more quickly. These types of affairs tend to be secret and could start in a place like the office, where there is the need to keep the affair secret from their spouses but also their co-workers – which adds an extra illicit and sometimes thrilling edge to the affair. Lust affairs are usually based on a strong physical attraction and not much else, so after a short while, affairs based on lust can easily fizzle out as the participants have nothing in common with each other.

2. Opportunistic Affair

Opportunistic affairs can often be a one-time thing – for example, a one-night stand when a spouse is away on business. Opportunistic affairs happen when all of the right circumstances are in place – for example, an attractive and willing participant, some drink, anonymity and the heat of the moment can all add up to a one-night stand. In this type of affair, the spouse might do it because they believe that their partner will never find out, or they might want a little bit of excitement. Usually, spouses who participate in a one-night stand have no desire for a divorce – but instead of talking about any problems within their marriage, they seek intimacy from elsewhere.

3. Emotional Affair

Emotional affairs are often just as devastating as physical affairs – even though no actual physical relations have taken place. Because of this, emotional affairs are often not discussed, which can mean that a spouse involved in an emotional affair may not even be aware that their spouse could be devastated at their contact with another person. Emotional affairs involve one spouse spending lots of time with another person that they may describe as “just” a friend, or their “best guy or girl friend”. If their friend knows more about your relationship than you do – even if they and your spouse have not had any type of sexual intimacy – it could be classed as an emotional affair, as your spouse is confiding their innermost thoughts and feelings to someone other than you.

4. Obligatory Affair

An obligatory affair is usually caused by fear, on a subconscious level. A spouse may cheat on their other half, despite having feelings of love, sexual desire and attachment for their spouse, because they fear being rejected if they resist the sexual advances of someone else. The spouse involved in this type of affair is usually fairly needy and they may have a strong need for approval – and they could become involved in an affair not because they want to leave their spouse but because they are too afraid to turn down the other person, in case they get rejected themselves.

5. Romantic Affair

In this type of affair, the spouse involved in the affair may believe that they have deep feelings of love for the other person. They may believe that they love the other person just as much or even more than their spouse. Usually, this type of affair develops from a friendship and over time, those boundaries can weaken, wherein both participants “fall in love” with each other. This is the type of affair where the spouse involved will be more likely to choose their affair partner over their spouse, so that they can be with the one “that they love”. However, if a relationship breaks down due to this type of affair, it does not mean that the relationship is over for good. Relationships borne out of affairs rarely succeed even when there is nothing to stop the relationship from going ahead, simply because these relationships are based on lies and deceit.

6. Commemorative Affair

A commemorative affair occurs when one or both partners are not being fulfilled by their marriage, but they still wish to stay together – and one or both of the partners will then choose to fulfill their sexual desires outside of the marriage. In this type of affair, the partners may not have any feelings of love for each other, and they may not even have any feelings towards each other at all – but a sense of commitment keeps them in the marriage. Commemorative affairs could span a number of years or a number of sexual partners.

7. Revenge Affair

Sometimes, a spouse may embark on an affair to “show” their partner or to get revenge. A spouse may choose to embark on an affair after finding out that their partner had an affair, or they may simply choose to have an affair because they are very unhappy in their marriage and feel that their partner is doing nothing to try to solve the problems in their marriage. For example, if one spouse suggests marriage counseling, but the other denies that there is any problem in the marriage and buries their head in their sand, the first spouse may choose to embark on an affair to “show” their partner that there is problems in the relationship.

8. The Family Affair

An affair within the family can be the most devastating type of affair, because it can devastate the relationships between many different family members. The problem with family affairs is that those involved in the affair could think that they are perfectly safe and that no-one will ever find out about their indiscretion – but inevitably, when the affair is discovered, it can devastate relationships between mothers and fathers and their offspring, siblings, sons and daughters – not to mention the marriages of those involved in the affair.

What To Do If Your Partner Is Having An Affair?

Time To Act: There is hope.

An affair may be the best thing to happen to a marriage or relationship.

Contrary to popular belief, experts say that many couples survive infidelity and are able to rebuild a stronger, better and more fulfilling marriage after the betrayal.

Whether you suspect your partner or spouse is cheating on you or whether you have just discovered your spouse’s affair or whether you are wondering if you want to save your marriage or opt for separation after an affair or whether you want to redefine the boundaries of your relationship or marriage to make sure you and your partner are on the same page, I can help you.

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