7 Reasons Why Men Cheat
By Kajay Williams
People tend to think that men cheat on their partners because they want to have more sex. But recent research has suggested that men might be just as emotionally vulnerable as women when it comes to their relationships. Gary Neuman, a marriage counsellor, wanted to find out the reasons behind male infidelity, with some surprising results.
1. Emotional Void
Gary found that out of the 200 cheating husbands that he surveyed, a whopping 48% of them cited emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason for their cheating. Gary believes that the reason why we may think that men are more interested in sex than emotional intimacy is because men are less likely to express their feelings to their partner, meaning that a woman may not know when their husband is seeking a little extra emotional intimacy or support. According to Gary, men believe that it is “unmanly” to ask for reassurance, which could push them into seeking emotional reassurance from elsewhere.
2. Having Friends Who Cheat
A surprising fact to be revealed in Gary’s study showed that when men had good friends who had cheated on their partners, they were much more likely to cheat themselves – in fact, 77% of men who had cheated had a good friend who had also cheated. It’s thought that having friends who cheat on their partners could “legitimize” cheating and make it seem like less of a taboo.
3. Lack of Sexual Intimacy
Only 8% of men stated that lack of sex was the primary motivating factor for cheating on their partner – meaning that for 92% of men, lack of sex was not the main factor in cheating.
4. In Their Genes
Science suggests that men may cheat simple due to their genes. There are two specific hormones which regulate monogamy; oxytocin and arginine vasopressin. Oxytocin helps to regulate monogamy, as it is released during touch, sex, intimacy and other positive social signals, and it helps to build and then sustain pair bonds. Arginine vasopressin works in a similar way by helping to motivate the male to look after his partner and his offspring. But in men, a third hormone comes into play – testosterone. Testosterone is associated with libido, and the levels of testosterone in a male differ depending on his social environment; for example, if he wins a competition, his testosterone levels increase. Testosterone inhibits oxytocin, so the more testosterone, the less oxytocin and the higher the chance of cheating.
5. They Feel Underappreciated
Gary states that the men in his survey often said to him that they felt like they “couldn’t win”. They might have felt underappreciated, or like whatever they did was not good enough for their partner. This may not be because their wife was doing anything wrong; it could have been be due to a communication breakdown. The little things could also make a big difference in whether or not a male decides to cheat – if he is constantly told “You did that wrong”, or “I don’t want to” or even if his wife simply doesn’t seem to want to talk to him or spend time with him, or chooses to spend time with her friends or family over him, he will feel underappreciated and undervalued, which could prompt him to seek validation and reassurance from someone outside of the marriage.
6. Stressful Life Events
Gary believes that men are more likely to cheat during or after a stressful life event – for example, if a member of his family has died, he might want to seek extra emotional validation outside of his relationship. Men might also cheat when their partner goes through a stressful life event – because his partner may feel like she cannot give him the emotional or sexual intimacy that he needs, or because he may feel neglected by his partner.
7. They Have an Affair with a Friend
Gary’s research has suggested that 73% of the men who cheated on their partners got to know the person they cheated with for more than a month before they were actually adulterous – in fact, only 6% of men cheated on their partner with someone that they met on that day. This backs up the idea that men often cheat due to an emotional reason, because they have formed an emotional connection with a friend and then “slip into” an affair.
Men may cheat for many reasons – and the reasons for cheating will differ from man to man. But if a man is unhappy both emotionally and sexually, he may want to seek intimacy from outside of his relationship.
What To Do If Your Partner Is Having An Affair?
Time To Act: There is hope.
An affair may be the best thing to happen to a marriage or relationship.
Contrary to popular belief, experts say that many couples survive infidelity and are able to rebuild a stronger, better and more fulfilling marriage after the betrayal.
Whether you suspect your partner or spouse is cheating on you or whether you have just discovered your spouse’s affair or whether you are wondering if you want to save your marriage or opt for separation after an affair or whether you want to redefine the boundaries of your relationship or marriage to make sure you and your partner are on the same page, I can help you.
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