10 Common Infidelity Myths
By Kajay Williams
Infidelity has evolved with the times. Advancing technology has made it so much easier to cheat – but it also provided us with tools that make detection easier. The changing concept of morality further evolved how society views infidelity.
Needless to say, infidelity nowadays defies some of the things we thought it to be. Separating facts from myths where cheating is concerned is the first step to avoiding it – or detecting it – in your relationship.
Myth 1: Men cannot help it: they almost, always cheat.
The propensity to cheat is not a genetic code that all men share. Some women tend to believe – perhaps due to their own history – that men are incapable of staying faithful to one partner at a given time. There is danger in such a belief. It is this mistrust that would often drive an otherwise faithful partner to infidelity.
The temptation to cheat does not come with every relationship. There are relationships that never have to face this challenge. What is their secret, you ask? A relationship takes two people to make it work and other than love, both partners need to respect and trust the other.
Myth 2: Men initiate the affair.
As most people believe that men cannot help their cheating habits, so they believe that men invariably initiate the affair. This is wrong. Women can be equally aggressive in pursuing what they want and in half of the affairs that is exactly what has happened.
Who first seduces whom is beside the issue. What should be important is how you or your partner handles the situation when it does crop up. Will you or your partner be confident in your relationship enough to weather such a test? Or are you so weak as to succumb easily?
Myth 3: A person cheats because they do not love their partners anymore.
As mentioned earlier, love is but one part of the deal. People do not even have to be out of love of their partners to be seduced into an affair. Some people love their partners but they still have several reasons to justify why they cheat.
When your partner does not love you, it’s easy to see why he or she would want to get out of the relationship. But what if there is still love and the cheating partner does not want to let go of the relationship? This makes the betrayal even more painful because it’s much more difficult to understand.
Myth 4: A person cheats because he or she is in an unfulfilling relationship.
Even people in fulfilling relationship can find it in them to cheat. Cheating has become easy, so perhaps people are trying to see whether they can get away with it or not. Perhaps, too, it is the work environment that makes it conducive to conduct illicit affairs.
Whether it is the relative ease of having an affair or a deep-seated need in a person – the reason varies with every individual – it is no longer enough that we seem happy in our relationship. Relationships need constant effort to make it work.
Myth 5: The betrayed partner is also responsible for the affair.
While there may have been problems in the relationship or marriage prior to the affair, the straying partner should accept complete responsibility for the affair. No one can be forced to have an affair; an affair is a choice, a choice the straying partner made to escape from their self-deficiencies or problems confounding the relationship, instead of working with their partner to address the marital challenges.
Myth 6: A person cheats mostly because of sexual attraction.
The sexual thrill is undeniably one of the most exciting things about a new relationship but it is not the be all and end all of any relationship – whether it is the real or illicit kind. A person who is still sexually attracted to his or her partner need not look somewhere else for the thrill of it.
But if a person cheats despite the fact that his or her partner is able to satisfy his or her baser needs, then the reason for infidelity goes much deeper than sexual gratification.
Myth 7: The cheating partner leaves a lot of clues to his or her infidelity.
Infidelity is all about being indiscreet and half the effort in the conduct of an illicit affair is hiding it from the public eyes. That means trying to the best of a cheating person’s abilities not to leave clues especially where their partner might chance upon such evidence.
Myth 8: It is better not to know anything about your partner’s infidelity.
Some people tend to believe that the cheater leaves clues behind because they want to believe that the cuckold is merely turning a blind eye to the affair. That is simply unfair to the person who is hurt most by the cheating. Some evidence do need a lot digging to uncover and the person cheated on would want to have a cache full of such evidence before making the next decision.
Myth 9: It is better to know everything about your partner’s infidelity.
On the other hand, it is not advisable to know everything about the affair. There is already that feeling of betrayal when one learns of a partner’s infidelity, what could be gained by fueling the hurt with sordid details?
There are certain details which both partners need to face in order to move on – details such as why infidelity bloomed. But there are also some details that are needless and their telling can be an unnecessarily painful and haunting process for both.
Myth 10: An affair spells the end of a relationship.
A relationship broken by infidelity need not be an irreparable one. There are two paths to choose for moving on: end the relationship or heal it. Healing is possible – never doubt that. So long as love, respect, and trust can be restored, infidelity might give you the best lesson for making your relationship better.
What To Do If Your Partner Is Having An Affair?
Time To Act: There is hope.
An affair may be the best thing to happen to a marriage or relationship.
Contrary to popular belief, experts say that many couples survive infidelity and are able to rebuild a stronger, better and more fulfilling marriage after the betrayal.
Whether you suspect your partner or spouse is cheating on you or whether you have just discovered your spouse’s affair or whether you are wondering if you want to save your marriage or opt for separation after an affair or whether you want to redefine the boundaries of your relationship or marriage to make sure you and your partner are on the same page, I can help you.
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